The Lord of the Keys

From Wikimacs

This is the official script of the counselors' skit that closed Skit Night 2004. Much props to the sheer brillance of Irene Liu and Barry Huang for writing the script, Stan Liu for humming the theme music in the background, Eric Lui for fashioning his "pretty, long blond hair" out of a counselor t-shirt, and Tim Yang and Stan for fashioning beards out of Night Market tickets.

The LORD of the MASTER KEY WMACS Counselor Skit 2004

June Liang – Junerond

Stephen Liang – Stevo Baggins

Ian Chen – Willum/Weagol

Eric Lui – Luigolas

Mok-yi Chow – Keywraith, Minion, Tray Return

Betty Yu – Big Tower, Minion, Tray Return

Cindy Yu – Lil’ Tower, Minion, Tray Return

Irene Liu – British Narrator 1, Minion, Tray Return

Stan Liu – Standalf

Tim Yang – Timli

Thomas Chu – Sauron Shu-Shu, Minion

Mayline Wu – British Narrator 2, Minion, Tray Return

Barry Huang – Barragorn

Chris Liang – Minion, Tray Return

Willis Lam – Keywraith, Minion

Part I: The Counselorship of the Key

  • Stevo is walking along and stumbles upon a key. It dawns upon him that it is the fabled Master Key*

Stevo: The Master Key! Why go to my room when I can go into everyone else’s!

  • Stevo fades into background, shift to narrator*
  • Scroll in Part 1 Poster*

Narrator: It began with the forging of the Great Keys- 96 were given to the Campers, 12 to the Counselors, 6 to the Teachers, and 8 to the Staff. But they were all of them deceived, for another key was made. In the fires of Mt. Chesapeake, the Dark Lord Sauron Shu-Shu forged in secret a Master Key. One by one, the Free Lands of Middle Frostburg fell to the power of the Key. But then, the key was lost, and all memory of it faded, until one day when young Stevo Baggins noticed something shiny in the tar…

  • Cut back to Stephen holding Master Key triumphantly, about to put lanyard over neck*
  • Standalf appears – improv; forward roll if possible*

Standalf: STEVO BAGGINS, STOP! Do you not know that you hold in your hands the One Key?! The Master Key is the source of the Staff’s power over the campers. Stevo: But…no one knows it’s here! Do they? Do they, Standalf? Standalf: The Staff are coming. They are looking for the key, and they will fire the one who carries it.

  • Keywraiths charge in, screech, and run off*

Stevo: What must I do? Standalf: You must place it in the Tray Return of No Return, within the depths of Mt. Chesapeake. This is a task for all the peoples of Middle Frostburg. They must do this now. *Into walkie talkie* Hey guys, a little help please? 2nd Floor Lounge, A-Sap. Barragorn: *In audience, answering through walkie talkie* I’m about to shower, I’ll be there in 10 minutes. Timli: *Likewise* As fast as my short stubby legs can carry me. Luigolas: I love bow and arrow!

  • All converge on stage*

Standalf: The Master Key must be destroyed. Who will join us? Barragorn: You have my broadsword. *swings it around* Timli: And my yoyo as well. *swings over back* Luigolas: And my pretty blonde hair!

  • Enter Junerond*

Junerond: Thus we shall be the Counselorship of the Key. I, Junerond, will be your leader. Stevo: Sweet. So uh, where do we go?

  • Silence, everyone looks at each other*

Willum: *Hopping on* Willum knows the ways. I have eaten at the teacher table before. Stevo: Awesome. Lead on, little man.

  • Counselorship exits*

Narrator: And so the Counselorship set off, but they encountered many campers who had fallen under the power of the Key.

  • Fellowship enters*

Fellowship: *In unison* Oh no! Camp minions!

  • Minions enter on opposite side, start poking and trying to get piggyback rides*

Timli: *Performing yoyo trick* Yoyo swing! Barragorn: *Broadsword move* Broadsword Basic Movement 1! Luigolas: *Checking self out while firing arrows*

  • Battle rages*

Standalf: It’s time to end this once and for all! YOU SHALL NOT PASS! TOFU LIGHTNING!!!

  • All minions fall down*

Willum: This ways, masters. Narrator: And so the Counselorship, wearied from vanquishing their first enemy, continued their trek towards Mt. Chesapeake.

Part II: The YU Towers

  • Scroll in Part II Poster*
  • Big Tower and Lil’ Tower chilling- eating, reading, checking time, looking bored, etc. Big Tower has big eye on forehead*
  • Counselorship walks past, all but Luigolas marching seriously. Luigolas snaps tourist photos*

Part III: The Return of the Key

  • Scroll in Part III poster*

Narrator: The Counselorship approached Cambridge Deep, their final chance to take the key to the Tray Return of No Return. As Standalf, Barragorn, Timli, and occasionally Luigolas valiantly held off the charging minions, Willum secretly led Stevo further and further down the sidewalk towards Mt. Chesapeake.

  • Counselorship huddled*

Junerond: They’ve reached the first bucket! Hold your positions!!

  • Battle rages*

Timli: I’ve got 8 already! Luigolas: I have 2 and a half! Barragorn: Shut up, I already took out all the Crunchy Chickens! Standalf: They’ve breached the fence! FALL BACK! FALL BAAAAAACKK *Switch to slow-mo, start throwing “water” balloons*

  • Fade to background*
  • Pan to Willum and Stevo as they walk on front stage*
  • Enter Tray Return w/ signs: Tray Return of No Return, Loose Items Only, Trays Go In This Way*
  • Stevo takes off lanyard, looks at it for a long time, finally places it on tray return, starts walking away*

Willum: Yoinks! *Snatches key off tray return*

  • Stevo runs back to Willum, brief struggle, Willum ends up on tray return and is carried away*

Stevo: It’s done! We can lock our doors at night knowing that the Staff can’t check up on us! Narrator: The minions, freed from Sauron Shu-Shu’s power, returned to being campers, ever so guai. Meanwhile…

Sauron Shu-shu: *Walks on stage* Ice cold water! Ice cold water please! Free ice cold water! Counselorship: *Rushing on stage* YOU’RE FIRED! Sauron Shu-shu: Ice water, anyone? Anyone want ice water? Luigolas: He’s just the water boy! Timli: No, you’re fired! Sauron Shu-shu: Okay, okay, I’m fired, congratulations! You’ve reached the end of the skit. The time is *hold out cell phone, waves it around* <insert time>. Here is my timestamp with my initials. Come back next year!


  • Scroll in THE END poster*
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